Goin' Ralphing

For those not fortunate enough to live through the days of Wayne's World and the general awesomeness that was the 1990s, "ralphing" is a term affectionately used to refer to the act of vomiting. Used in a sentence it would sound something like, "I ate some bad tuna, and spent the entire night ralphing". Alas, I wish spoiled fish was responsible for my involuntary stomach release; instead, my porcelain prayer comes compliments of Sarah Palin and her soon to be released memoir Going Rouge. Spoiler alert: she ends up losing the election.

Somehow this woman, who until nine months ago was a complete unknown south of the 48th parallel, has filled up 400+ pages with her life, and its tendency to go rouge. Call me a non-believer, but I am having a hard time thinking of what a beauty queen, Joe-six pack, moose hunting, soccer mom from Wasilla could have possibly done that was so audacious that it garnered the use of the term "rouge" in its description. I guess there is more to sniping moose from a helicopter than I previously thought.

If Palin was truly interested in a rouge persona, I would like to see her autobiography read something very close to Mackenzie Phillips', High on Arrival. If somehow Palin could intertwine a bizarre, incestuous relationship with John McCain and a lofty drug-affair with Ted Stevens into the early stages of her political career, not only would I buy the book, I would gladly concede the term "rouge" to describe her. Unfortunately, I do not expect the book to take on such a lively characteristic, instead the most interesting part will probably be the process of buying the book.

My guess is that if people really wanted to learn something from reading a book they might put down the rouge and pick up the Pooh (Winnie the Pooh, that is). After 80 years, Christopher Robbin has returned to 100 Acres Woods, with a little more worldly knowledge and all the woodland creatures are happy to see him (and in the case of Eeyore, happy is a relative state). While traditionalists are arguing that the Pooh series should not be continued because of morals and lessons embedded in the last book (released in 1928), others are intrigued by its return to the shelves. I must say the choice of David Benedictus as the author is probably not the best move if trying to convince the general public that the original goals, values, and characters of the book will not be changed. With a name like Benedictus, why would anyone be worried that the original storyline might be betrayed?

Now that is one thing Palin has going for her...we know the characters, the actions, the stories, the values, the missions, the goals, and the lessons. There is no possibility that the original style and version of Palin will be lost or altered in the book. It is unlikely that a new character will emerge with novel ideas. No, rest assured Palin's book will stay true to her in all the ways we've come to know her, and it is for that reason that I can safely guarantee that after reading the book I am goin' ralphing.